Boost Your Mental Health

Folks around the world are stuck at home for the next two to six weeks or longer. Many of us are going stir-crazy, our kids are driving us bonkers and we are spending far too much time reading memes and obsessing over the latest news updates. When faced with a tremendous external challenge (and a pandemic rates high up there), the idea that we can shape our own reality with our mindset is not to be underestimated. You cannot control a virus smaller than the eye can see that has invaded the lives of 7 billion people around the globe. You can control your own mentality and thought patterns.

I have pulled together three strategies to boost your mental health in these bizarre times. You should also get outside, exercise, keep in touch with loved ones and maintain a consistent routine, advice you have likely heard many times by now. The strategies below are geared towards helping your mind think and react in healthy, productive ways. Even if you have encountered a version of these before, I hope in reviewing them you can find at least one new idea that clicks.

1) Zoom In, Zoom Out Technique

My colleagues and I are currently participating in a 30-day kindness challenge from Character Strong, which I mentioned in my last post. The organization presented a virtual assembly last week, featuring artist Connie Lim (aka: MILCK) who performed her inspiring song “If I Ruled the World.”

Following her performance, MILCK explains the “zoom in, zoom out” technique. When the world feels overwhelming and terrifying, try focusing on a tangible detail that can bring you a bit of joy. Turn off the news and bake some cupcakes with your kids. If you find yourself battling high levels of anxiety over the current health and economic disaster sweeping the world, make an extra effort to tune into the details of the good in front of you in your own home. That could be your children’s laughs, a comfortable couch, good music, fresh home-cooked food or so much more. By zooming in, you intentionally choose what your brain will focus on and think about. You opt to create a more positive reality for yourself, despite what may be occurring in the larger world around you.

On the other side, if your day-to-day routine is causing great stress, try zooming out. Many of us suddenly find ourselves in a completely new reality, unable to leave our home, working remotely while single-handedly caring for our children (two full-time jobs in one!) When you reach the breaking point, try looking beyond your current reality. If possible, get outside for a quick walk and clear your head. I never underestimate the power of taking a breath and looking at the view out your window. Take time to see the mountains on the horizon and recognize that there is a beautiful world beyond whatever stress is currently in your home and heart. Even though we are stuck at home right now, remind yourself that this situation is temporary. Imagine the places you will go with your family when normalcy returns. Picture yourself dining in your favorite restaurant, and start brainstorming your next vacation or weekend getaway. The world is still out there, and we will all be able to enjoy it again soon. The power of the “zoom in, zoom out” technique is that, as when using a camera, you choose what to focus on. You show your brain the picture of reality you want it to see, thus creating more joyful thoughts.

2) A Goals, B Goals

Last summer I was introduced to an exceptional online fitness group through Facebook called Mamaz in Motion. The instructor, Angela Warren, is incredibly talented at designing efficient workouts for busy moms. As a bonus, she keeps the group engaged through friendly competitions, conversation starters related to motherhood and insightful pieces of wisdom on fitness and life. My favorite is her strategy of “A goals, B goals.” It represents a simple mindset adjustment when setting a goal, helpful for anyone and particularly powerful for mothers with young kids. I thought it would be appropriate to share here as we all attempt to adjust to our new reality.

You, like me, have likely been taught to set specific, measurable goals with a firm deadline. The challenge with this type of rigid goal-setting is that when we do not achieve the exact number by the exact date, we tend to chalk it up as a failure. Even if we get very close to our target or achieve the goal at a later time, feelings of failure and defeat tend to overshadow our accomplishment. Everyone experiences unexpected events that interfere with plans and goals, and this is especially true for mothers of tiny children. It is not always lack of discipline or desire that sidetracks us from our goals. Your toddler starts projectile vomiting out of nowhere and the workout you had planned goes out the window. You get out of bed to finish a project, but the baby wakes up immediately.

A and B goals, as you may have figured out, is the idea of setting a higher level and lower level of the same goal. In other words, your A goal represents your ideal achievement, but you would also be satisfied achieving your B goal. Both levels should be challenging but doable. As an example, if you feel that anywhere between three to five weekly workouts would boost your health, five workouts would be your A goal and three your B goal. You are confident that most days you can fit in a workout, but realistically, you acknowledge there will be days when other family or work priorities take over.

I think most of us naturally level our goals in this way, but we do it while drowning ourselves in negative thought patterns and mind games. When we only work out three times, we feel lazy for doing the bare minimum. The A goal, B goal strategy is also a mind game… but a positive one! It motivates you to stretch towards a little bit more. When you only hit the lower target, however, you still feel a sense of achievement for having officially reached your goal.

While confined to our homes, juggling work and family in the upcoming weeks, I think Angela’s A goal, B goal strategy can be a powerful tool. Many of us are in survival mode, taking life day by day and slowing down more than we normally would. In my opinion, it is important for us to develop routines and maintain a sense that we are moving forward, even if the pace and scope of our growth is slower than usual. Setting weekly goals, big or small, can help us boost our mental health and avoid feeling we are at a complete standstill.

3) Flip the Script

You may be familiar with the idea of “flipping the script.” It has to do with turning around unhelpful belief patterns and inner dialogue. It means assigning new meaning to the reality in front of you.

We are in the middle of a global pandemic accompanied by economic devastation, and there are a mountain of challenges facing all of us. No one is pretending otherwise. I believe we are all going to feel some big emotions, and we are allowed to let ourselves feel however we feel. At the same time, I believe there are a great deal of positives coming out of this mess, if we choose to see them.

I have been using the “flip the script” strategy somewhat successfully to combat my own disappointment and stress the past three weeks. It can be difficult or even irritating to be told to look for the silver lining when one is facing a truly dark time. It is not my intention to imply that you can brush off all your problems simply by “being more positive,” and I am particularly sensitive to those who are in the middle of financial despair or suffering from serious mental illness such as depression. However, I do believe that most of us stand to improve our daily experience and our mental health during this quarantine by practicing the art of flipping the script.

Every time the current crisis continues to disrupt my family’s life, negative thoughts pop into my head. I have been trying to stay aware of these thoughts and the feelings they evoke. Then, instead of allowing my brain to endlessly wallow in bitterness, I force myself to find at least one positive in the situation.

My family had a trip to Peru planned that would involve my sister-in-law’s wedding, my son’s fourth birthday party and my daughter’s baptism, all promising to be gloriously elaborate celebrations. Cancelling was obviously a huge disappointment for everyone. Upon reflection, I found many things to be grateful for. We will likely be able to obtain a refund or postpone the trip with the airline, flexibility for which I am thankful. Even if we lost the money, our financial situation is stable enough that the impact would not be devastating. I recognize the privilege implicated in our ability to take a trip overseas in the first place.

Suddenly being forced to work from home with a nine-month-old and four-year-old as my co-workers has been another stressful situation. If I chose to, I could spend my days focused on my feelings of anxiety and bitterness. These feelings absolutely come up from time to time. But there are so many positive side-effects of this new reality that I would be a fool to let negative emotions overshadow them. I no longer have to wake up at 4:30 in the morning and pack up 27 tuppers of lunches, soups, purees, yogurts, granola, fruits and snacks for daycare. I now sleep until 6:30 with one arm wrapped tight around each of my babies. I enjoy a homemade mocha with frothy milk and chocolate swirls each morning. And I’ve been given the gift of time with my children, hours and hours of time that I would not have had with them. Yes, we are all making jokes online, swapping mommy memes and texting our friends often with a “Lord help me!!!” Nonetheless, I dare not receive this extra time with anything other than a deep gratitude for the universe’s wacky turn of events.

If you are struggling to cope with the multitude of challenges facing you in this very strange time, I encourage you to try the flip the script strategy. When you find yourself spiraling into a negative thought pattern, stop and ask yourself: “What are three positive side-effects of this difficult situation?” Other powerful flip the script questions include: “What skills do I have to tackle this challenge?” and “What do I have to be grateful for in this circumstance?”

I continue to remind myself that we can and must confront the quarantine as a challenge to conquer. We can pour the same efforts, talents and toughness into overcoming it as we would a major work project, a business endeavor, a half-marathon or any other difficult task we have taken on in the past. How can we redirect our expertise and persistence into our new daily routine?

Finally, as we sit around reading and writing blogs about nurturing our mental health, let us not overlook our tremendous privilege. Let us be grateful for the roof over our heads, access to modern conveniences, and the gentler pace that has been benevolently imposed upon us. Personally, I feel like McDreamy in Grey’s Anatomy. This whole thing was like coming up for fresh air; it’s like I was drowning in the rat race and the quarantine saved me.

My friend posted this beautiful sentiment in a Facebook comment: “Seems like someone was looking down on us and saying slow your life down!” None of us can control the events in the outside world. We can only control our reactions to them and the meaning we take from them. I hope the strategies given here help you navigate the current situation in a healthier and more productive way.

Please leave me a comment and let me know how you are boosting your own mental health during the lock-down.