Late

When I was single and started teaching in 2012, I used to get to school at 7:00 a.m. sharp. School started at 8:00, but I had first period planning so didn’t see students until 9:30. That gave me 2 ½ hours to plan, which was still never enough, especially as a new teacher. In my 3^rd year of teaching, when I was also running a financial services business on the side, I started arriving to work at 6:00 a.m. so I could leave soon after school got out and have more time for client appointments in the afternoon. This meant waking up at 5:00 a.m. Then on Saturday I’d arrive to my business office at 8:00 a.m. sharp for Leadership Meeting, followed by training. We’d usually hang around at least an hour after training, sometimes most of the afternoon, practicing presentations and making calls. These are the things we can do before we have kids. 

Seven years and two kids later, my wake-up time is still 5:00 a.m. I’m late for work 90% of the time. My contracted time starts at 7:40 and school starts 30 minutes later, but the first 25 minutes are Homeroom. This gives me a couple of lateness buffers. I’m often running copies just before class or during Homeroom as 33 8^th graders wait unsupervised in my classroom one floor up. Sometimes my principal will pass through the copy room; I look at her, shrug apologetically and smile. She always just smiles back. Praise the Lord for administrators who are also parents and treat us as humans with lives, not as employees. If I get caught in traffic and know I won’t make it to the start of Homeroom, that’s when I have to text the principal’s assistant and ask for someone to open up my room or even supervise my class. This happens a few times a month.  

Being a working mom means needing to work 10 times as hard as you did when you were single and be 10 times as organized, while accepting the fact that you’ll feel and appear 10 times less prepared than you used to. You’ll be late. You’ll be throwing together materials for your job at the last second. You’ll learn to improvise. In the absence of preparedness, you’ll have to rely on knowledge and experience and pull confidence out your backside while squashing down the true anxiety you feel. You’ll learn to do 2 hours’ worth of work in 1 hour so you can leave on time to pick up your kids, and you’ll learn to accept all the dumb little mistakes that you would have caught if you’d had time to properly check over your work. You’ll stop making a lot of these mistakes as your mind becomes razor sharp, focused and productive over time. All of this isn’t necessarily a negative, but a challenge. A new reality, one that you have to handle, and you will.

As moms, some days we’re superheroes and some days we crack. I can roll through the school doors at 7:50, pop music rockin’ and students high fiving me as I come through (I’m not famous; this is just the awesome spirit of the school I’m lucky enough to work at), and I can work miracles in those 20 minutes before class starts. I go the copy room and grab my handouts for the day’s lesson, which I’ve cleverly learned to leave in my teacher mailbox each afternoon in order to eliminate the extra trip to my classroom. Since it’s so late, there’s never a line for the copiers, and there are rarely other teachers in there to waste time chatting with. I make my stacks of copies and carry them up to my room, along with my backpack, purse, water bottle and lunch box. (I’ve learned to do a 4-item check mornings and afternoons to ensure I never leave anything behind. One item on each body part – back, shoulder, arm, hand). I go upstairs and do a few routine things: arrange lesson materials, turn on computer, change date, write lesson objective and activities. Students file in and I greet them with warmth and enthusiasm. I even get to go to the bathroom!!! Like I said, KILLIN’ it! 

Other days are different. Sometimes I avoid the doors with the high fiving students and go straight through the office door with my head down. Ashamed that I’m late, again. My head swims with the 10-15 tasks I’d like to accomplish in the next 15 minutes. The first student bell has already rung and I know they are lining up outside my classroom door. Anyone walking by will know I’m not here yet… late again. I want to go to the bathroom. I’d like to make some changes to the first lesson activity, something I’ve thought up in the shower this morning, but there aren’t enough minutes to log onto the computer, open the file, edit, print and come back downstairs to copy it. So I’ll keep it as is, knowing that one part is going to cause confusion and probably get students off track. Anxiety kicks in. I remember the second activity is also hard to explain clearly, and will require energy and sharp focus on my part to set it up successfully. The third activity requires concentration and motivation from students, and might be too much for this lesson. I want to move it to tomorrow, but then we’ll be behind. Anxiety… anxiety. Breathe… 

The copier always jams on these days. Always.

Something that has helped me with the pressures of being a working mom is to make a conscientious effort to recognize these super-human efforts and be proud. Because, it might appear to others that you are unprepared or irresponsible. Working moms: We are full-time moms and we are full-time employees. No one can do 2 full-time jobs at 100%. That’s unrealistic. And to prevent anxiety from totally crushing me and my spirit, I have to focus on the things I’m doing well. So when I’m 10 minutes late to work for the second time this week and the billionth time this year, and it’s my principal who’s up there covering my class, I have to see the situation for something beyond the surface reality. The reality everyone else (my students, my boss, my colleagues) might see is: She’s late again. But I know what I pulled off this morning: Up at 5:00 a.m. sharp, got ready, packed healthy home-cooked leftovers into lunch tuppers, gathered over 30 needed items into the car without forgetting anything, dropped off son at daycare, talked – mostly listened – to Mamá Lupe (my son’s nanny) for 10 extra minutes because her husband is dying and it seemed like the right thing to do, drove 1.5 hours to work. That’s pretty damn impressive, if you ask me. I’m proud of that accomplishment, and I do it day-in, day-out. 

Something else that helps me not just survive being a working mom but enjoy it, is practicing gratefulness. This might seem cliché. But quite simply, it works. To be specific, here are three ways I practice gratefulness:

#1. I have a long commute. On the way to school, I ask myself this question: What am I grateful for in my life right now and why? You can think of one thing or multiple things. This is powerful not just because it reminds you to appreciate what you have in life, but it can also change your entire train of thought. Especially in the morning, when you’re running late and your mind is racing with 500 things you need to get done in the first hour at work, it forces you to step back from the tasks at hand and look at the big picture for a moment. Things that often come to mind when I ask myself this in the morning are: the beautiful commute, my family, my supportive principal and colleagues, my great students. This simple practice changes my perspective from the perceived negatives of the situation (long, traffic-filled commute and family responsibilities made me late to my demanding job where my principal and colleagues might judge me for being late, and I’m going to let my students down by being unprepared for today’s lesson). See the vast difference of those two frames of mind? With a simple practice of gratefulness, we can literally control our thoughts, which changes our entire physiology and emotional state. 

#2. Before bed, I ask myself more questions that remind me to reflect and be grateful for the day I had. What did I give today? What did I learn today? How has today added to the quality of my life? These morning and evening questions come from Ed Mylett, who hosts an amazing podcast called Max Out. To be transparent, I forget to ask myself these questions quite often. When I remember, my mind sometimes wanders to something else before I even finish thinking of the answers. Used with consistency, the impact of this practice is far greater. But even remembering these questions some of the time will serve to empower you and keep you out of the quicksand of overwhelm that can drown us as moms.

#3. I keep a list of things I’m grateful for. Whereas #1 and #2 are daily rituals, this one doesn’t have a prescribed structure. I have a cute journal that I keep by my bedside, and when I remember or when I feel like it, I add to my list. I number them so that at any given time when I look at my list, I can say to myself: “Here are (107) blessings in my life.” They can be important, such as “my son Matthias” or mundane, like “salt water taffy.” (Wait a second… I’m sorry, but salt water taffy is anything but mundane). It’s okay to repeat things you’ve listed before. If you want to create a more consistent routine, you can make a goal to add 3 or 5 or 10 entries each morning as you drink your coffee or every night after your kids fall asleep. My instinct is to work on my list when I’m feeling good about life, but the most powerful time to do it is when you’re having a rough day. Just the act of thinking of the good things in your life, no matter how small, will lift your mood and can disrupt negative thought patterns.

Whether you’re a working mom, working dad or stay-at-home parent, we pull off MIRACLES each day. The next time you’re running into work late with your hair uncombed, looking like a bag lady carrying 25 items, just don’t forget to give yourself a tiny high five in your head for the magic you worked to make it where you are right now. And at the same time, maybe pause to double check your bra – it’s probably unhooked from your baby’s last feed. Mine generally is.

Leave me a comment – what do you do to help yourself ENJOY motherhood and THRIVE despite the chaos?