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Shower Words
The words pop hot in my brain as scalding water streams down and soaks my brittle hair The sentences sear through me, they start to fuse together One idea pierces my heart and jumbles my insides with butterflies like caffeine Vapor swallows me in hope but Two babies bang their chubby hands on the grimy glass door The hot water sears my skin red as I skip shampoo and shaving Cries and shrieks eat up the words Swallow them and spit them out I try to pack them in gray folds for later But they flop out and turn to mush As mommy dripping grabs her babies, comb and clothes;…
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Pandemic Mental Reset
Several years ago I heard financial business leader Ed Mylett say this to me from my car stereo: “Worrying makes you live through a negative experience that hasn’t even happened yet.” This quote hit me hard tonight when I found myself in a pathetic heap, sobbing into my pillow, over a text message that I completely misread. A friend had messaged me some bad news about the school re-opening plans in her district, and I mistakenly thought she was talking about my district. I was already in such a state of nerves that I automatically assumed the worst upon seeing her text. One minute later, I realized what was actually…
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Why I Stopped Engaging in Social Justice Work
I never stopped engaging in it, exactly. But I lost steam and faith. In my first teaching job, I had joined the equity committee, organized a multicultural event, helped teach ELL (English) classes to parents at night, and shocked my co-workers when I stood up one day to a grouchy and domineering veteran teacher making borderline racist comments in the staff lounge. He used to throw around phrases like “The clientele at our school has changed.” If you are not familiar with coded language in the education context, this usually means: “Our students used to be White and well-behaved. Now they are browner, poorer and have behavior problems.” More recently…
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381 Days
With the flood of anti-racism resources circulating the internet following the murder of George Floyd, it feels terribly ridiculous to add more content on this subject. It is painfully obvious that much of the progressive White community (myself included), has jumped on the BLM bandwagon when we should have been on the ride the entire time. Regardless, I do see it as a positive that people are trying to take action. How long we stay in the fight, now, is the real question. Because those of us who are White have the privilege to deboard this bandwagon at any moment that we start to feel tired, inconvenienced, emotionally overwhelmed or…
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Service in Times of Crisis
My heart is so very heavy and my brain in such a fog due to the events of the past few days. I fear this post may be more of a diary entry than an informative or meaningful article to anyone else. It has been so difficult to find time to write during the past month of the pandemic; I have been feeding and tending to and loving my babies 24/7 for the past 12 weeks solid, working into the wee hours of the night to finish an acceptable bare minimum for my “real” job. Tonight I have found a spare window of time to write (time I should be…
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Create a Power Narrative in Trying Times
I thought I was about to burst out crying, but then I sneezed. Yep, I just confused the need to sneeze with feelings of overwhelming grief. This quarantine thing is weird. “Unprecedented” (award for best overused word of the pandemic!) Intense, bizarre, just… weird. It’s a jumble of polar opposites, and this is certainly true for working parents. Whereas before we did two full-time jobs (parenting plus our paid career) in two separate shifts, we now do them simultaneously. Despite this intense double job, the pace of daily life has slowed down considerable for most. Now we sleep in (at least more than before), we wear stretchy pants all day…
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Boost Your Mental Health
Folks around the world are stuck at home for the next two to six weeks or longer. Many of us are going stir-crazy, our kids are driving us bonkers and we are spending far too much time reading memes and obsessing over the latest news updates. When faced with a tremendous external challenge (and a pandemic rates high up there), the idea that we can shape our own reality with our mindset is not to be underestimated. You cannot control a virus smaller than the eye can see that has invaded the lives of 7 billion people around the globe. You can control your own mentality and thought patterns. I…
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Thrive or Survive Through COVID-19
As COVID-19 spreads throughout the world, it brings with it a flood of impact beyond the principal concern of health. In the midst of financial devastation, as well as childcare and employment concerns, the effect on our emotions is not to be underestimated. The bizarre situation in which we’ve found ourselves is unlike anything most of us have experienced in our lifetime. As daily life has been majorly disrupted, yet in many ways feels the same as always, we’re all navigating a strange mixture of emotions. Anxiety over the unknown – will I go to work Monday? Will I continue to get paid? Fear over the virus itself – will…
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No Advice
Let’s get right into it, because it’s 9:55 on a work night and my 7-month-old will be crying for me at any moment now. Listen up, moms. First time moms and seasoned veterans. I’m about to give you some really good advice. Here it is: You do not need to take anyone’s advice. I realize you’ve heard this before in some form or another. But let’s break it down. Let’s really get into this topic. I find it helps me tremendously to get specific, detailed and concrete when I’m dealing with a helpful nugget of wisdom that I think I “already know.” You do not need to take anyone’s advice…
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Break Free of Limiting Beliefs
The other night my dear cousin was reading my blog for the first time and sending me text after text of heartfelt praise. How do you find the time for this? I feel proud to be related to you. As her texts popped up on my phone, I was wasting away the precious hours of the night watching old YouTube clips of AGT and X Factor, for no apparent reason other than I love listening to talented young people sing. As the loveliest of comments flooded the top of my screen, I felt appreciative and unworthy at the same time. I’m nothing special. I’m just sitting here watching hours of…